Opening up ... finally

It seems that I am very bad about blogging during the first half of my cycle. I guess that's because TTC falls a bit to the back of my mind. It's not until after O, and especially the last week, that I begin to obsess.

I've been busy with work again, which has also kept my mind off of TTC. I did have to visit one of our other offices recently. I ended up taking the train home with one of my coworkers, "C", whom I like very much. She and I fell into talking about her two young children and her pregnancies. She talked about how naively sweet the pregnant coworker is, with all of her plans. C shook her head and commented, almost to herself, how she had plans too, before her kids, how life turns out so much more complicated than your plans. Then she looked directly at me and said, "I lost my first baby at 12 weeks." Her eyes watered.

Until now, I had told no one at work except my boss about my pregnancies and losses. But I earlier that day, I had decided that, if the opportunity came up, I wanted to tell this coworker. And here was that opportunity.

So I told her. I told her I had 2 losses. I told her that the pregnant coworker had tried to get me to confess pregnancy shortly becoming pregnant herself. We talked about the indignities of miscarriage, about how it's not your fault, but you're still not supposed to talk about it. We laughed, and we let the conversation comfortably weave in and out of TTC and work topics.

It was great. It was the first time I'd been able to talk to someone that openly about the miscarriages in person. There are plenty of people that I communicate with through email or message boards, but, here, a real life person that I'd have to see every day. It took a leap of faith, but it took such a burden off of my shoulders to do it.