Ahem

So after my freaking out on my last post, I continued to feel very much sick and "pregnant". My temperatures also stayed up after 10 dpo, when they usually start to fall around that time. So I hit up the Dollar Store to buy OPKs for the next cycle, and picked up some HPTs there as well.

Yesterday morning, I thought to myself, well it was only a dollar. Maybe I should re-test just in case.

And there it was, the faintest of lines. Mr. Rhody didn't see it, so I busted out a FRER, and then we confirmed, with another faint line.

That is when the "fun" began. In short, I called my OB, waited forever for a nurse to call me back, just to be yelled at for testing too early. Really? 12 dpo is early now? Of course they never ask about ovulation date or anything, just LMP, so I had already "adjusted" my LMP by 2 days, so that I seemingly did ovulated on CD 14. After being dressed down, the nurse asked me *why* I wanted betas. Lady, look at my chart. This is the third time this year I have been pregnant. My doctor and I have already discussed this, Ms. Nosy Nurse. God, I hate the staff at my OB's office. Anyway, I went in and had the blood drawn, return in 48 hours.

As for the hematologist, the guy who had previously said, "Yes, we want to put you on Lovenox when you are pregnant again," has now reneged. He talked to my OB (but no one talked to me, mind you) and sent his nurse back with the message that he will see me next Thursday and take baby aspirin. No other details.

I feel guilty. I want to be excited about this pregnancy. We worked so hard to be pregnant again. But all I feel is anxiety. And I feel ignored. I just wish someone would talk to me like a thinking adult.

I couldn't sleep this morning. Too many crazy dreams. I am locked in an offsite for work all day today, which is going to end with a surprise baby shower for my coworker. Oh, and someone brought their baby to work yesterday. As I was trying to leave, all of the women stood around cooing. One said to me, "Doesn't she make you want one?" OF COURSE I FUCKING WANT ONE; IF YOU'D ONLY KNEW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH TO GET ONE.

I am exhausted. I wish I could hide myself away from the world for the next 8 weeks.