7 dpo and I haven't posted in a almost a week. Crazy. Well, I'm convinced I'm not pregnant this cycle. I don't know if I just don't want to get disappointed all over again or what, but I just feel "eh" about the whole thing.
I am tired of this process. I am tired of worrying about getting pregnant, worrying that I might be pregnant, worrying that that I will miscarry, worrying that I will never have a child of my own.
So I am moving on with life. I thought about giving up temping / charting, but I can't seem to do that. I like too much knowing when I ovulate. I don't really want to go back to the days of having my period surprise me a few days early. So charting is in.
But worrying is definitely out. Mr. Rhody and I went out of town for the weekend and we relaxed. We rode a cog train up Mount Washington. We had hot, completely non-procreative hotel sex. We ate sushi. We watched Harry Potter while eating ice cream in a theater that was also a diner.
I have decided that I'm going to work on me for a bit. I gained a bunch of weight with the two pregnancies that I just haven't been able to lose. I'm going to lose that weight. Mr. Rhody and I joined the neighborhood YMCA. We've taken up yoga. I am working on my lap swimming. I am not letting myself be lazy any more. I finally heard back from those mentoring people, and we are having our first meeting next week. Mr. Rhody and I are planning a cross-country trip with some friends in October.
I still hang out with my TTCAL ladies. I love keeping up with them. But I find myself having less and less to say these days.
When the time comes for a baby, IF the time comes for a baby, we will accept that child gladly. Until then, I have a life to live.
I totally get you. That is why this is our last cycle TTC. If we don't get it this time, we are going to take a break. We have been TTC for almost a year now and emotionally, it's just too much. I'm sure you know exactly how we feel.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. The last time I got my BFP, we weren't really trying in fact when I was ovulating DH and I were on a cruise! There was no tempting and charting or CBEFM and voila BFP. Now I'm over analyazing everything and I keep getting BFN cycle after cycle. I think I will take your approach and start to reclaim and enjoy my life again. Eventually we will all get our sticky BFPs. I pray for that everyday :)
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