9 dpo

I'm 9 days post ovulation, and I'm pretty proud of myself that I haven't tested yet. I've been tempted. First, I found that I have 3 tests in the house, leftover from last time: a CVS test which I expect not to work because the other two in the package didn't, a super-sensitive First Response Early Response, and a pretty sensitive First Response Digital.

They are calling my name. I have managed to resist thus far.

The truth is, I'm actually petrified to be pregnant again, along with those hopes and fears. Yesterday, Mr. Rhody and I were in the car, and I actually started crying because I am so frustrated with this process. This is not how baby making is supposed to be! Oh, sure, I always knew that childbirth was dangerous, but, somehow, I never thought it would be this hard to get there. I live in fear of needing another D&C.

My "phantom" symptoms have been getting stronger. I was nauseated when I fell asleep last night, and I woke up nauseated this morning. I was so hungry all day yesterday that I ended up eating all manner of foods. I woke up 3 minutes before my 5 am alarm this morning, and my temperatures are still up. I've taken to singing the Pepto Bismol song in my head because that's how I feel--though, of course, I haven't taken any actual Pepto.

The plan is still to test on Tuesday morning, unless I give in first and test tomorrow morning. My last positive came at 10 dpo, so it's not unwarranted, and I remember feeling like this as well. But I keep asking myself, what good will come of testing? Either I'm pregnant or not, and that little stick is not going to change that. The only importance is making sure I have that Lovenox on hand before we leave for vacation.

Luckily, I have recently found that you can play SimCity Classic online for free, so that helps to kill time and keep me distracted these days.